Gift Giving

Letting Go of Resentments

Hi Creative Friends,

I have a friend coming over on Sunday so we can do some art making together. I am excited about the prospect.

My friend Audrey is a genius when it comes to quilting and machine embroidery. She makes beautiful baby quilts that any mother should be thrilled to keep as a treasured heirloom.

She cheerfully gives away these creations despite the hours spent, not to mention the cash she lays out for materials. I've noticed that I always wonder when we do "Show and Tell," if the recipient knows the value of the gift that he or she will receive.

The reason I bring this up is I have given the gift of creativity in the form of handmade items and I have some strong feelings about this issue and would love some feedback from you. Here is an example that was related to me by a woman I met at the Houston Quilt Festival. We were discussing this very topic of giving away our work and she told me this story.

She worked very hard to make all her grandchildren a quilt. To her, it was a legacy she wanted to give to each child as a remembrance of their grandmother's love. During a winter visit to her son's home, she noticed that there was something stuffed in the doggie door to keep the cold air from blowing through. It was one of her quilts that she had made for one of her grandchildren. The woman was devastated that her gift was not valued. I asked the woman what she did and she said, "I stopped making quilts to give away." She was still bitter, years later.

This painful example brings up two contradictory ideas. One is to stop creating for ungrateful recipients. The other is to keep on creating and gifting and let your creation make its way in the world on its own. Finding out that your crocheted tea caddy didn’t fit in with your daughter-in-law’s kitchen décor and landed in her garage sale is tough, but no reason to stop being creative or punish the daughter-in-law, ungrateful wench that she is.

It feels good to joyfully make things for others, but what if the person you made it for isn't as joyful about your creation as you expected her to be? You have several options:

• Be more selective about to whom you present your treasure.
• Ask your potential recipient if she is open to your gift. They have a right to say no to your beer can sculpture.
• Freely give your gift and let go of your expectations of how it should be received.
• Let it go. Don’t harbor resentments if you find out your gift has lived an unappreciated life. The resentments hurt you and harm your relationship with the receiver.
• Put the energy that you’d spend being hurt and resentful to make something new for yourself. You deserve it and you will give it the respect it so deserves.
• At risk of sounding like a broken record, remember to let it go.

If you need help with letting go of resentments, try these EFT statements. You decide what goes in the parenthesis.

The Setup: Tap the karate chop point while saying this statement three times.
Even though I have this resentment about (you say what about), and I really have no interest in letting it go because I am still (you say the feeling: angry, hurt, sad, bitter, grieving), I deeply and completely love and forgive myself for (you say what: giving that gift, loaning that money) that was not appreciated. Repeat this three times while tapping the karate chop point.

Use these reminder statements to tap on the rest of the points beginning at the top of the head:

TOH: This resentment
EB: I did all this work
SE: Nobody knows how much it takes
UE: I gave it my all
UN: And this is the thanks I get
UL: I don’t want to let it go
CB: Nobody cares how much I do
TOH I wish someone would do as much for me
EB: I still feel unappreciated (or whatever you feel)
SE: Why do I persist in being creative?
UE My work must not be very good
UL: I might quit, that would show ‘em
CB: This resentment

Try this EFT for your resentments as related to your own creativity and you will feel the difference a little tapping can make.

I hope you don’t use resentments to stop being creative. It is a huge block that used to take a lot of work to let go. Now with EFT, it is easy to let go of years of resentments in minutes.

Hugs, Diana
Have a creative day!