Hello Creative Friends,
I never realized how much the weather must influence my moods until I started staying home (big job layoff) working at my computer while looking out the window at cold gray rain. I live in Houston and we are used to mild winters and sunny days. We pay for these mild winters with sweaty suffering in the summer, so I want my shirtsleeve winter back.
Now that I have talked about the weather long enough to eliminate most readers, I'll get to the point. I am wondering if I was starting to suffer from SAD disorder. (You know, Seasonal something Disorder. I am Too Lazy To Google: called, just now, by me:TLTG, a new disorder where the ignorant are too lazy to learn something they don't know simply by typing in a question in their tool bar, but I digress.)
I woke up bummed, cranky, and feeling sorry for myself. I have been having some business issues that I just can't conquer. I might conquer them if I could throw money at the problem, but I am an out-of-work artist and struggling entrepreneur with limited funds. Evidently, I also was living in fear of the future, a road I seem compelled to go down just like the woman in the movie who stupidly goes into the dark cellar armed with a nice hairdo and a cute figure.
I am not talking true depression. I have a healthy respect for depression. What I am talking about is self-defeating, self-flagellation self-talk. Because I can't solve my problem today, I am a low-life scumbag and the best thing to do about it is admit defeat and crawl into a hole. Oh yeah, and don't use any of the tools you know about to get out of the hole. It's comfy and familiar in here. I've been here before. Lots of room for eating worms.
And then late last night, I was responding to an email to a friend, complaining bitterly about my plight and it hit me. There may be hundreds of thousands of women who would gladly trade their problems for mine; who would sleep in a comfortable bed, not on concrete in fear; who would find their family members safe; who would not be grieving for real loss; who would not be enduring the worst moments of their lives. These women live in Hatti. I felt ashamed of myself.
Perspective, Grasshopper, Perspective.